Being a pastor’s wife is a unique calling. It is a role of both immense joy and immense weight. Ministry, vocation, and family often blend together as you serve side by side, opening your lives to those God has called you to shepherd.
What makes the role of a pastor’s wife unique is that no two churches are alike, no two pastors are alike, and no two women are alike. Being a pastor’s wife looks different in different contexts, depending on the needs of the church and the giftings of the woman.
A pastor’s wife has the privilege of seeing firsthand how the Lord is using her husband to minister to others. Together with her husband, she gets to rejoice in ministry and celebrate lives changed by the Gospel. When asked the biggest blessing of her role, one pastor’s wife said, “Getting to see the Gospel truly take root and change someone from the inside out is such a joy — we get a taste of what God is doing, and I love getting to spur on my husband and he leads, preaches, and gives vision to those in our congregation.” Another said she loves that their kids have the opportunity to see the value of investing in the local church and to have other caring adults pour into them.
While there is great blessing in being a pastor’s wife, it is not a role that comes without challenge. There are often expectations placed on her to serve in certain areas or attend specific events. There are people who think she’s too involved, while there are others who think she isn’t involved enough. She is often pouring into others more than anyone is pouring into her. One pastor’s wife said it can be challenging to know how or to whom she can confide in with personal struggles, as well walking alongside her husband in carrying heavy burdens. Others commented on the sacrifice of family time, the complications of planning travel around ministry commitments, and feeling invisible or overlooked as others assume her needs are being met without checking in on her.
The tension of this unique calling can either be isolating or it can be the very thing that draws women together to create community.
Thrive Pastors’ Wives Network seeks to be that community as it provides refreshment, relationship, and resources to pastors’ wives in the Charis Fellowship. The ministry was started a few years ago by Anne Brown, wife of lead pastor at Grace Community Church in Goshen, Ind., Jim. Anne had a heart for women in the unique role of being a pastor’s wife and a desire to minister to them. In 2024 Anne felt called to pursue other ministry opportunities and passed the ministry baton to Megan Johnson, wife of lead pastor at Journey Church in Warrington, Pa., Adam.
Megan, who has been a pastor’s wife for nearly two decades, longed for a safe space to engage with other pastors’ wives for support, encouragement, and blessing. She longed to for the opportunity to look at another pastor’s wife, and, as C. S. Lewis described it, ask “You too?” and realize she was not alone in her journey, and that others shared her experience. Her desire is for Thrive to be such a place.
Referencing Exodus 17, Megan said one goal of the ministry is to support the wife as she supports her husband. Exodus 17:10–13 says, “So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the sword.” Megan explained it saying, “We want to hold up the arms of the wife as she holds up the arms of her pastor husband.”
Thrive is serving pastors’ wives by creating opportunities for rest and refreshment, cultivating spaces to build relationships with one another, and providing resources to encourage her and point her to Jesus. “We want to make her feel seen and valued while reminding her of her identity in Christ,” Megan said.
In Megan’s first year in the role of director, she was able to pursue that mission in a variety of ways. She provided every woman in the Thrive network a copy of Christine Hoover’s Book, How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife. She began sending encouraging emails on Sunday mornings. She connected with as many women in the Thrive network as she could, often connecting those women with each other. She led a workshop at Charis Fellowship Conference in July 2024, and she facilitated a pastors’ wives’ session at the East Focus Retreat in October 2024.
Megan encourages churches to look for ways to encourage and support their pastor’s wife. She said, “March is Pastor’s Wife Appreciation Month. That’s a great time to honor her, remind her that she’s valued, and encourage her.” Practical suggestions for doing that are to pray for her and tell her that you’re praying for her, write her a note of encouragement with no strings attached, send her a gift card, or offer to watch her kids so she can have a date with her husband or time alone.
“Despite the challenges, the joy far outweighs the burdens,” one pastor’s wife said. “I feel like my role is to love Christ, my husband, and my family well as I model dependence on the Lord in all of life.”
Looking forward, Megan is excited to continue to connect with pastors’ wives regionally and to provide more opportunities for their rest and relationship building. You can connect with Megan to learn more about Thrive Pastors’ Wives’ Network, or to request a copy of the book How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife, here. You can also find more info about Thrive on the Charis Women website here.